One Day at a Time: Substance Abuse and Recovery

As of today, August 17th, 2020, by the grace of God and working one day at a time, I have 24 years of living clean and sober. I share my experience with the intention to open up about my past, for individuals and families suffering with substance abuse addiction, and to inspire hope of a path forward. Hopefully you can find some solace and a sense of direction with my story of redemption.

At my core, if I am going to do something, I jump in right away. My experience with addiction is no different: my transition from an adolescent graduating military school to a full blown addict went from Zero to 100. Those dark years in the mid-1990s were a hazy blur of drugs, debauchery, and more mistakes than I’d like to admit. During that time, every aspect of my life was fleeting: transient living situations, random temporary relationships, and constantly chasing the next high. Repeatedly lying, cheating, stealing and worst of all hurting the people closest to me. I was on complete mental and emotional autopilot, going 100 miles an hour to nowhere.

My descent into addiction was fast, but the path to recovery is long, arduous and never complete. I’ve never tried to fully psychoanalyze the reasons for my addiction, but I remember when I finally accepted my problems. Facing homelessness and joblessness, I was at my bottom. My family had enough so I reluctantly went to Bowling Green for in-patient treatment. It was not easy at first (it never is), but when they kicked me out on day 20 of a 30 day program for fraternization with the warning of an imminent relapse, I purposefully stayed sober for 90 days out of spite to prove them wrong. Sometimes you have to find the motivation to change any way you can, and for me I was going to prove them wrong.

Meeting makers make it, I found solace and support at Westminster House in Newark, an incredible home group that was instrumental to my recovery. I lived in those meetings daily for over 3 years while matriculating at UD. I rode my bike from my rented room on Delaware Circle through Main Street Newark up that damn hill every day. Known affectionately as “The Zoo”, Westminster House has a very large room which draws a big attendance to most evening meetings. The daily meetings were attended by mix of long term regulars and new people struggling. Over those three years, I chaired and shared at a lot of meetings.

Ever the student, I read the Big Book, 12 Steps, and sporadically called my still kicking sponsor Jim Sweeney. I developed a ton of friendships with both long time and short timers, soaking up everything I could learn about what I was going through. The eclectic mix of people from different nationalities, races and backgrounds all seeking recovery helped to show me I was not unique or alone in this fight. That really helped me to stay sober.

To me, addiction is a compulsive, repetitive, destructive behavior. Those dealing with addiction must first realize they need help. No one can tell or force someone to get sober, no matter how deep in their addiction they are. We can certainly ask people, how can we help —and you should do that, but to accept help and be willing to change, they must first be ready to admit their life is unmanageable. That is the first step.

My active addiction and its aftermath lead to criminal justice system involvement that can be stigmatizing and harmful to professional career possibilities. One of the many lessons I have learned in my work towards sobriety, is that all of us deserve a second chance. I am grateful my father gave me mine. Thank you, Dad. Without my second chance, I wouldn’t be here today.

Need to attend a meeting: Click here to view Westminster House meeting schedule

Need out-patient: Click here to view PACE

Need in-patient: Click here to view Bowling Green