As I celebrate my 25 years of sobriety this year, I have been reflecting on all of the groups and individuals in my life who have helped me reach this momentous milestone.
My Higher Power
First I am grateful for God, for His design is why I am so fortunately blessed to be able to share my story of sobriety. Without Him and His plan, I would certainly not be here today. My addictions are not the only test of faith that I have faced, but my beliefs and values strengthened by my spiritual journey have made my sobriety more resilient.
My Father
I am grateful for my Father for repeatedly firing me and making the final ultimatum that if I didn’t go to rehab, this would be my last chance and I was going to be fired forever. This time was different than before; he made it clear to me I would not be hired back if I didn’t go. I had not been to rehab or AA before, so this was my first experience.
Everyone’s “bottom” is different and unique to them. Some people become homeless, some become homeless more than once. My bottom was the inability to have the resources to pay for food or shelter or transportation or any of the basic needs and necessities of life. I knew that an overwhelming majority of my money was going to substance abuse, so without a job I couldn’t pay for anything including my addiction. So I went to rehab, and I am grateful my Father drove me and dropped me off. To this day, this is why I always give someone a second chance whether in our business or in the home.
My Rehab
I am grateful that when Bowling Green Brandywine Treatment Center expelled me from the 28-day program at day 20 for being in the wrong bed at the wrong time, they told me I would relapse. Because then, me being the stubborn contrarian that I am, I wanted to prove that I would stay sober even if I didn’t complete their program. Wanting to prove them wrong made all the difference early on in fighting addiction when most people are white-knuckling it or “on the wagon” because this is what drove me to keep coming back.
People in recovery are all motivated by different things but for me, that’s how I went from 20 days to 30 days clean, to 60 and 90 days sober.
My Home Group
I am grateful for Westminster House, affectionately called “The Zoo.” My home group gave me the strength, support system and foundation to remain sober for the first several years after leaving Bowling Green. It was all of the other variety of individuals in recovery that gave me the opportunity to connect with them, allowing me to learn from them and also share what I was going through while speaking and listening at various meetings.
Many of those at Westminster had only been there a few days, often literally shaking. It was the rawness of the experience of constantly new and green people in recovery that motivated me to get sober. Seeing the different stages of recovery for meeting attendees. Seeing how their life had become so unmanageable and seeing their desperation, seeing people’s arms and skin, littered with scarring from needle insertions. Seeing the loss they were experiencing, hearing that they had lost their loved ones recently, or their home or job or rights to their children or transportation. This was nearly every single time because there was such a large group that you would hear different stories that you would be brought back to the seriousness of the disease. Many of those stories involved relapsing on such a frequent basis that it hardened me beyond just the spite of proving others wrong. I started to really understand the powerful negative effects addiction and substance abuse was having on my life. These meetings helped me internalize why I should stay sober.
My Sponsor
I am grateful for my sponsor Jim Sweeney for always being available and always being there for me—especially at a time when there was no texting! My most serious call to my sponsor was when I was driving with my sister, and we were at an intersection and witnessed a multi-car accident in real-time. Several people in a car flipped upside down and died on the spot. When we walked up to the car, it was a scene of unfathomable horror. That evening I was shaking and needed to call Jim. It still shocks me to this day to recall that evening.
I went to a meeting with him on my 20th anniversary 5 years ago and he gave me my last coin I received. Unfortunately when I went to my 25th anniversary meeting this year, I found out he passed away. Rest in Peace Jim.
I am grateful for everyone who has played a part in my journey. One day at a time.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference